Barry Zito’s Dirty Secret

Believe it or not boys and girls, the Dodgers have already accomplished something in the first 4 weeks of the season that they could not get done throughtout the whole of last year… win 6 games in a row.

OK, OK, OK.  So it’s not exactly the same thing as say, the Rockies winning 21 of 22 games down the stretch last year to steam roll their way into and through the playoffs, or say, Pablo Escobar going to rehab and kicking his ‘cane habit, or say, Willie Nelson getting an erection lasting longer 5 minutes, but hey, you have to start somewhere.  Especially when you have Juan Pierre in your starting line-up.

If you chew on my mustache, it is the same as gummies. Care to try?

If this is your child, please, for the sake of humanity, and your poor son, fall onto an ice-pick. Now.

Despite trying to hide from every fan at Wrigley thowing objects both sharp and blunt, Juan Pierre unsuccessfully immerses himself in the ivy, and instead, gets the botanical equivalent of AIDS.